Random Lessons Learned in 2022

As shallow or deep as they might be…

Photo by mk. s on Unsplash

Earlier last year, I started an iPhone note to document noteworthy lessons from my everyday life in it’s rawest form. Sometimes, I would just be reminiscing, talking to a friend, or watching a movie when something hits me and I would want to write it down; and so I did and continued to do. Looking back on New Year’s Eve, they are still lessons to live by.

Here are [some] of my lessons learned in 2022, in particular order, and as shallow and deep as they might be:

January 2022:

1. Be wary of friends who make you feel uncomfortable about being your true self. Of friends that think little of the things that bother you and think even littler of your dreams and ambitions. I would say cut them off but the older I get, I realize that not every friend can exactly be dropped. You only have to figure out how best to relate with which one. Like the frog and the scorpion, when are you the frog and when are they the scorpion?

February 2022:

1. Information is Power. Powerful enough to change your life for the better. The more information you gather concerning the things you care about, as irrelevant as they might seem, bolster your mind into believing and achieving the said impossible.
2. Refusing to take out the trash can teach you a lot about your lazy roommate. You find out that they are not lazy after all. You find out that the trash being left there for over a week irritates them as well. You also find that they actually know their way to the garbage dump, and they find out that you are not one to be taken for granted.

March 2022:

1. Time and chance happens to them all. Eccl. 9 vs 11 (NLT) — The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. This was one prayer that came true in my life this year.
2. Apparently, Event Planning skills can qualify/prepare you for the world of Tech. The underrated skill(s) of precision planning, methodic organization, and flawless execution could better still, land you a job at Google.
3. Embrace the grey. Every season won’t be sunny (nor perfect) but you can get comfortable in the unknown. Even the worst of hurricanes, never lasts forever.

April 2022:

1. Sharing your daydreams and hopes with others does nothing but take you closer to the dream. I shared my most random, most low-key dream of being on TV someday with a friend’s friend, an acquaintance, and later that month, she sent me a script asking if I would be interested in playing the role of a mum in her film-class project. Her submission premiered at our Performing Arts Center in school and was quite a big deal. I had people messaging me that they saw me in Taddy’s film (okay, just 1 person) but it’s safe to say…I’m now an upcoming actress.
2. Not everyone wishes you well. Even when they don’t mean to. Like my mother would say — ‘’only invite others to eat when your food is ready, don’t send out an invite while it’s still on the fire’’. Apparently, envy, jealousy and arrows of evil thoughts could quench that fire.
3. People will always look out for themselves before they look out for you. Even when you always looked out for them first. Take the backstab once but never again. Like my sagacious younger sister would always say: ‘’Know who to spend your last cash on’’.

May 2022:

1. For people of faith: Keep praying…one thing I know, one thing I’ve found - my God will work it out. Maverick City never sang truer words. My most listened to songs of the year on Spotify.
2. God’s time is really the best. In 2021, I learned to trust God like never before. In 2022, I learned to trust Him, and His timeline. I really wanted a job offer by April 5th as a birthday gift from God. My 26th birthday came, passed and oh, I was furious and let down. I let it go eventually and resolved that whenever it came, it came. I got my job offer on May 3rd, and waited to sign it on May 5th so I could always remember that if He said it was gonna be 30 days after, it was gonna be 30 days after and imma wait! I got the job just in time for my graduation from grad school on May 28th, a prayer I even forgot I had prayed, and what a beautiful day it was. You can catch up on the 4-part reels from that weekend here. There truly is a time for everything, a reason, even when unbeknownst to us.
3. Stand up to bullies. Refuse to allow them take you for granted. Speak up against their effrontery, and never fail to remind them that they are just big babies in diapers. Nothing but fragile egos and bottom-barrel esteem in under-sized diapers.

June 2022:

1. You can heal almost completely from a broken heart.
2. The most important career decision I’d ever make is who I choose to marry ~ Sheryl Sandberg…and I don’t plan to choose between both. I want it all. I’d like it all.
3. There’s nothing inherently weird or scary about inter-racial or inter-cultural marriages. Much apparently, we are first humans before we are black or white. Love is a universal feeling, as strong or weak as it comes.
4. ‘’Nothing gets done without Program Managers’’ ~ CZB.
5. ‘’The best way to get work done at Google is through social connections’’ ~ Sam G.
6. Sometimes, showing up for a friend will cost more than they will ever be willing to pay for, and it hurts.

July 2022:

1. Never stop investing in yourself. I try my best to consciously work on and improve on all 12 areas of life even though I fail more than I succeed at it…but I try. I talk more about these 12 areas in this podcast episode. I am my best investment and I am my best guarantee for high return(s). Like Aunt Bey said ‘’ I don’t like to gamble, but if there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself’’.
2. Learn to take myself less seriously. Learn to take a joke, to take things less personally and work towards becoming less sensitive. It avoids me getting hurt by others (or myself) every single goddamn minute.
3. Not every jab from a non-Black person is a racist remark. Some people are just funny, some jerks but stay woke though.

August 2022:

1. It’s not about what racism does to you but what it can do for you. Periodt. Affirmative action or not, diversity scholarship or not, heck, diversity hire or not…it now pays to be Black. Cash that cheque because you earned it. You’ve always earned it, sis. If only you knew.
2. People should learn to normalize transparency. To say what they mean and mean what they say. I try to, and integrity has to be one of the biggest displays of bravery.
3. Moving into a new house for the first time — as a young adult — and paying rent monthly, has to be one of the the most wicked adulthood lessons.

September 2022:

1. Always STAND UP for myself. Again, speak up against the effrontery of bullies. Never fail to remind them that they are just big babies… in under-sized diapers.
2. There are ways I desire to be loved. If I never settle for less in any other area of my life, then I can equally ‘’go big or go home’’ concerning my romantic relationship(s). Imma write a whole book on this, lol.

October 2022:

1. Adulthood friendships are hard. Sadly, but I’d keep trying.
2. Again, in every relationship, always know when you’re the frog, scorpion or neither.
3. Not all my friends care for me as much as I do about them. It’s not okay but it is good to know so I’m never disappointed by them again.

November 2022:

1. People will take advantage of you. If you give them a chance to. I thought I’d never be one to adopt this ideology, but sometimes, learn to choose you first, and when you can, choose you always. Remember, regardless of whether or not you’re best friends or whether or not they know it’s wrong, people will take advantage of you.
2. Now, men…the male gender, will also take advantage of you. Permit the slight-sounding misandry but men will take advantage of you. Amongst the other ways they take advantage of women, apparently, it’s now common for them to do so financially too. Hello, Tinder Swindler. I never thought it possible until I experienced it. Tolu, just be [a]ware of men, especially those dressed as wolves in sheep’s clothing.

December 2022:

1. Entering your late 20’s gives you perspective. Perspective on how to lead and live your life.
2. On failed relationships — Time doesn’t tell, it only makes you grow older, a wise friend once said.
3. God loves me. He cares for me. He saves the best for me and He takes care of His own. He never lets us suffer for long.

[Bonus] January 2023:

1. With purpose, comes clarity.
2. New York City is now home for me. This is something I realized on my trip back to New York from Lagos,Nigeria. I went home to attend my younger sister’s wedding and spend Christmas & New Year’s with family; as my parents saw me off to the airport to travel back to NYC, it dawned heavily on me that I wasn’t coming back to resume school or leaving just to go on another trip. I was returning home, to my new home, to continue living my life! Then I also remembered how many years ago, I would look at a single lady living with her parents in her late 20’s and wonder if she was ever gonna get married. Well, good for me, I no longer live with my folks but I AM NOW THAT LADY. I really need to figure out how to live without them, in this new life, in this new place, in this new city that I’m choosing to call home. I mean, Nigeria is home. It will always be home but my bed on which I lay and wake daily is now in New York City; so I have to act accordingly, suck it up and learn to love it here.
3. On tech lay-offs: “More than ever before, I’m committed to developing my life outside of work”.
4. Never trust fortune. It might not last long enough.
5. What do I want to be true for me every 90 days? My love for God and family, my salvation, my ambitions, my peace of mind. Okay, PROTECT IT!
6. Friendships are like investments; up, down, stable but the feeling of always having money in the bank is a nice one. I like having friends…and being one.

Author’s note: Article is now updated and complete! Happy reading! (btw, 2023 Random Lessons already in motion, haha!)

Also, I shared some of these lessons as a guest on ‘The Cast with Nenye’ podcast and you can listen to it here. Enjoy & Happy New Year :)

To learning from these lessons and never making the same mistakes in 2023, Cheers! 🥂

Tolu