Questions for Him

Questions to ask a guy you are seriously dating and willing to marry

6 min readAug 19, 2023

Author’s Note: This article is written by my sisters, my single/married girl-friends, and I in honour of National Couple’s Day every August 18th (In no particular order — Ivy, Temi, Pearl, Maureen, Bolu, Ofure, Titi, Faith, Ibk, Busayo, Omolade. Thank you for your love and support always). Now, I doubt that these types of questions will ever be exhaustive or that they will all have “straight” answers but I do believe that it’d lead to helpful discussions between us and our partners. These are questions I’ve had since I started thinking about Love, Dating & Marriage deeply, and intentionally preparing for it…and in writing them down, I decided to publish them. I’m dedicating this article to all the single ladies actively preparing for the lifelong call of Marriage. To love, trust and happiness🥂. Shall we begin? Yassss let’s jump right into it.

On Personal Life & Struggles

What’s most important to you?
Are you passionate about any cause?
What are your core values?
Do you deal with anger and lust?
What is one thing you easily do to people that you’d rather not do to me?
Any childhood traumas to be aware of?
Have you been convicted of any crimes before?
What were the defining moments in your life and how do you think they sharpened your character?
What are your favorite qualities about yourself?
What are the things you think you can and cannot heal from ?
Do you struggle with anything spiritually? — Anger, Masturbation? Drinking? Drugs? Porn? Any addictions?
How do you handle conflict?
What are your biggest fears?
Who are your role models ?
What’s your take on emotional intelligence?
How do you manage your emotions?
What’s that one thing that was done to you in the past that you’re finding it hard to forgive?

On Love, Dating & Marriage

How do you like to be loved?
What does romance and intimacy mean to you?
What is your view on marriage? What is marriage to you?
Do you plan to get married and why?
Are you inclined towards long distance marriage because of work?
What are your deal breakers?
What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?
How did your last relationship end?
What are your views on your cheating? Emotional cheating, physical cheating?
Do you believe in sleeping separate rooms? What do you think about it?
How should we resolve conflict?
How do you feel about couples therapy / having marriage counselors?
Would you be okay or willing to compromise if I wanted to relocate to another country after marriage?
What boundaries do you currently have with female colleagues and ex-partners?
Do you believe in relationship audits? Talking about how things are going and how to make things better?
What do you want out of a relationship/ a marriage?
Do you have any best friend(s) of the opposite sex?
What’s your biggest fear about marriage?
What’s your biggest conviction about marriage?

On Feminism

What are your thoughts about the equality or inequality of the male and female genders?
Are you a Feminist? What does feminism mean to you?
What do you think about gender roles in the marital home?

On Career & Success

What/Who do you want to be when you grow up-up?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Or what do you see yourself doing in the near future?
What does success mean to you?
How have you handled failure in the past?
Are you easily intimidated by the success of others?
What does supporting your spouse’s success mean or look like to you?

On Money & Finances

What are your views on finances? Wealth goals? Do you have any Debt?
Finances- joint account? 50/50 bills or 50/50 income contribution?
Are you looking to complete any financial projects after marriage?
Where applicable — what’s your credit score?
How are we splitting the financial responsibilities during marriage?
How are we teaming up financially? Are we having a joint account? Are we tithing? Do you donate? Do you send money to your parents? Are you comfortable sharing your cards and passwords with me?
Black tax. How do we navigate this as a family?

On Sex

What are your views on pre-marital sex?
Do you have any sexual expectations in a dating relationship or marriage?
What are your views on oral sex and penetrative sex?

On Children

How many kids do you want?
Do you like children at all? Do they irritate you?
Do you see birth control as abortion pills?
Pro-choice vs. Pro-life — do you believe in one or the other?
Do you believe in Family Planning?
If we are unable to conceive a child, what would that mean for you? Would that make you love me any less? What options are you willing to consider?
Are you open to Adoption, IVF, Surrogacy, Sperm donations,Egg donations?
How do you plan to raise children?
What do you think about how our parents raised kids in the past?
Do you believe in Modernism in raising children?
How would you address a situation where our child asks to change his or her gender to either LGBTQ? Especially if we are practicing Christians.
In disciplining children — Physical discipline? Boarding school? Abroad training?
What do you believe a father’s role is in the life of his children? What are the steps you’re willing to take to be an intentional parent?
Are you open to having a live-in Nanny at home?
How do we discipline the children? Do we do it together? To avoid good cop, bad cop.
During childbirth, if there are complications and only one person could be saved; who would you choose to save? Me or the baby?
What personal values would you like to see in your future kids?

On Family

Are guests such as extended family or relatives welcome in our home? Can in-laws or friends live with us for any period of time? How long would be too long?
Family devotion or individual devotion with family discussions?
What’s the relationship between you and your parents like? Or you and your siblings like?
What are your past traumas, family feuds and triggers ?
What traditions does your family have or respect, and how important were/are they for you?
How do you envision your future family to look like?
Are you willing to start or maintain any existing family traditions?
How far are you willing to go in financially supporting your extended family and your partners family

On Religion

What are your convictions?
Which Faith do you practice?
Where applicable — what are your views on your Christianity? On the Trinity? On Angels and Demons? On the spiritual realms? Do you believe in these?

On Health & Wellness

Are you allergic to any foods or medication?
Do you have any underlying health conditions?
How often do you go for medical check-ups?
Is it important that we have a physically active lifestyle and that we do those activities together?

On Friendships

How important is it for you to know my friends? When would you like to meet them?
Who are your friends, your best friends? Can I also meet them?
What kind of impact would you say your friends have had on your life?

Summary: Date Intelligently so you can love blindly in Marriage ~ Pastor Laju Iren

Epilogue:

This is a living article. I plan to always edit it — adding more questions, rephrasing, re-articulating, removing? — or check when answered, lol. I’d love it if you also participate in the discussion by leaving replies to some of the questions or adding more questions you’d like to see answered on-behalf of our fellow women. And to the men who might be reading, I hope you find these questions thought provoking and helpful to your imminent relationship(s). Feel free to ask her these same questions too. I’d have loved to write gender neutral questions but I was first writing to myself and I represent millions of women too. I still gatchu though — maybe by answering these questions, you stay ready for when your woman brings these to you, haha. Love you too, and you’re welcome. Okay bye for now.

Lastly, I found that Claire Idera Nnani also did two extensively detailed videos on ‘Questions to Ask’ and I’m sharing here as well — Part 1 & Part 2. Enjoy!